Saturday, February 07, 2015

Thank you for a blessed life adventure

Life s adventure

This was how our wedding invitation began. Time passes so extremely fast, when we made a vow, a decision to love each other and look after each other, come what may, six years ago. 

What an exciting life adventure we have had so far. We became parents very quickly, exactly one day after our first wedding anniversary. Yups, I spent my first wedding anniversary in pain and screaming my head off. But nothing could beat the feeling of holding our first born EV in our arms. AA quickly came two years later.

It's been an eventful adventure with ups and downs. We didn't just have to look after ourselves, our relationship, but also our kids, our family and our home. We spent days agonising whenever EV or AA fell ill, and that period when AA was admitted into hospital several times, that was tough. We witnessed our little baby go through a series of tests, from MRI to lumbar puncture, trying to figure out what is the trigger. It was painful watching his tiny body hooked up to machines. But we went through it, together, and came out stronger.

This adventure wouldn't be the same without DaddySay. It's because of him that the adventure is what it is. I'm eternally grateful for this man, my pillar of strength, my soulmate. Someone whom I've known for more than half my life.

Especially in the last three months. It has been an extremely difficult time for me. On the surface, I seemed fine. I face my kids with a smile, I take extra effort to teach the kids since I couldn’t get out at all, I blog as normal. My supposing chirpiness is enough to fool everyone that everything is fine and dandy. Because well, I have to be strong for her kids, family and relatives. The only person who has any idea of just how depressed I was feeling is DaddySay. He's the only one who has seen my tears.

The first life changing event that happened to me was the freak accident, which I shared here. I still do ask why it happened to me, and I'm still afraid of going to bus stops, especially that particular bus stop. But overall, it's slowly getting better. Or so I hoped.

Just when I thought things were looking up a bit, another devastating totally unexpected event happened. My beloved grandmummy suffered a stroke on January 10 (exactly four weeks ago), a very serious one that required me to rush back to Hong Kong despite my ‘bai kar’ (or ‘injured leg’). Ok, so I had preferential, priority treatment at the airport, being wheeled direct from the check-in counter to the plane. but this was not the way I wanted to go back to Hong Kong. I wouldn’t travel this way if I had a choice. But I had to go back, had to go back to visit 嫲嫲, before it was too late. 

I stepped into the flat that she had been staying alone in for the past 25 years or so since granddaddy passed away (she has always been a strong and independent woman), and I spied the photo that me, DaddySay and the kids took with her when we went back in 2012. Tears welled up, but I stopped myself from crying, because my mum and sister and brother were there. In fact, for the next few days, I kept my tears to myself, never allowing anyone to see them whenever they fell as I stood next to my grandmummy’s hospital bed. I am the oldest of my generation, and I needed to be strong for my parents, siblings and relatives. I wanted so much to have DaddySay by my side, to hug and to hold. He wasn't there physically, but was there in spirit as he sent me encouraging messages and pictures of the kids. He sprung into action to be both daddy and mummy during this period and I'm grateful.

I left Hong Kong feeling sad, but comforted that I at least saw my grandmummy, held her hand and massaged her. Then at the Hong Kong airport waiting for the flight back, I received another shocking news. A secondary school junior had passed away the day before, after being admitted into hospital three days prior, leaving behind three young children. It was a utter shock. We were not close, but we do have some similarities, like how we were both in public relations, and how her two younger kids are the same age as mine. It made it so much more depressing. What if it were me? Would I be ready to go? How would my family handle it?

Receiving two sudden and tragic news within the span of a week was enough to get me emotionally off track. Depressed, devastated, the thoughts that went through my head were of how life is so fragile and unpredictable, why must things happen this way, why must loved ones be taken away so suddenly, without warning? Even if one tries to live life to the fullest, a sudden illness or passing of a loved one can render one so extremely helpless, and feeling hopeless too. 

Then thoughts turn to my accident and I’ll ask again, why me? Why was it me who got hit? Why couldn’t the wheel just roll by and mind its own business instead of homing in on me? Why must I go through the extremely painful experience (worse than giving birth) of the A&E doctor pulling my leg straight to try and set the bone. Why must I spend agonising months to learn how to walk again?

Then I remember, oh gosh, I am so blessed. If the wheel had hit anywhere else, I might not be here, typing this. Something sudden and unexpected did happen to me, but I’m here. Hobbling with crutches, yes, but blessed to be hobbling around. Blessed to be able to hold DaddySay and tell him how much I love him. Blessed to be able to hold my kids close, to love them, play with them and laugh with them. 

I’m so blessed to be alive. I'm so blessed to have DaddySay right beside me during this difficult part of our life adventure.

I know the next few months will not be easy either, as long as grandmummy remains in a coma. The doctor says that on a range of 1 to 10, her recovery chances are absolutely slim, at 1. I’m fearful of receiving a Whatsapp message or a phone call, because I’m scared of the news it will bring. I so want to go back and see her again.

I know I have to be strong, because life will always be fragile and unpredictable.

That’s why I have to treasure the people around me even more. I’m so blessed to be alive and be showered by their love.

Thank you DaddySay, for all your love and support. I love you.

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Thank you for reading. If you like this post, please do connect with me on FacebookInstagram and Twitter, so I can share our fun adventures, thoughts and exploits with you. 

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