Friday, November 11, 2016

Letter to EV: Longing

Dear darling,

"There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall and the bells in the steeple too.
And up in the nursery an absurd little bird is popping out to say 'cuckoo'."

You are familiar with these lyrics. They are from the song So Long Farewell, from one of our favourite musicals, Sound of Music. 

No no, this absolutely has nothing to do with goodbye.

Well, not really.

As you are saying goodbye to your kindergarten years in a few days’ time, and saying hello to primary school education in slightly over a month’s time, mummy is facing a wave of mixed emotions.

Some of these emotions, I shared about here, in another letter to you.

As the last days of your kindergarten years draw near, as you’ve confidently, and wonderfully danced your heart out during your graduation concert, as you head to your primary school orientation, one feeling reigns dominant.

The feeling of longing.

Longing for my darling to continue enjoying your kindergarten years. Longing for my darling not to start real education or face the stress or pressure that might most likely come with it. Longing for you to always stay happy and bright. Longing for you to never grow up. Longing for time to stand still so that you always stay my little darling. 

I think back to the first days you were born, how you charmed everyone with your bright smile. I loved the way you got into a ‘milk coma’ after drinking milk. I loved hearing your laugh, and watching you suddenly wake up from your sleep the moment you heard the Taiwanese drama serial theme song ‘我问天’. You were really so adorable.

I think back to our first family trip to Hong Kong, how we dined (but not wined) at The Peak Cafe. It was such an overwhelming experience for me. Years ago, when I was younger and used to fly back to Hong Kong to visit your great-grandparents, your great-grandparents used to drive all the way up the windy road to The Peak (then, the Peak was really just a park, with no shopping centre) and we would all have afternoon tea there. Then, The Peak was a peaceful, quiet getaway that the family enjoyed. 

I remember you diligently colouring some cardboard and putting them on your head, as a hat. I remember you painting little egg cartons and making grapes. 

I remember you dancing in front of a mirror in your aunty’s room. You were so cute as you danced, oblivious that your aunt was taking a video of you. Yup, my darling, there’s proof of your cuteness. :)

I remember your first day at your kindergarten. You were so brave and didn’t shed a single tear. Perhaps it’s because you had spent one year in a playgroup before, hence you didn’t feel afraid in a school environment. But you were so independent, and even got on the school bus yourself. Well, mummy sounds so calm recounting this, but did you know that I was a nervous wreck then? I was so worried about you, wondering whether you’d cope. Whether you’ll be able to take the school bus by yourself. Did you know that while you were getting up the bus, mummy and daddy were hiding behind the bushes, and then we rushed home so that we can be there to receive you when your bus reaches? 

Yup, mummy may look calm on the surface, but honestly, I’m shaking inside. I’m a worried wreck, and the fact that your primary school orientation is just around the corner isn’t helping. On that day, you’ll be introduced to your form teachers and perhaps get a few hours’ experience of what primary school life might be like. But I suppose it will be a far cry from what it might really be like come January. Till then, there’s so much to be done: purchasing books and a proper school bag that won’t weigh you down; purchasing necessary stationary; labelling and wrapping your books; purchasing school shoes and so on and so on. Yup, I’m getting worried just thinking about the list of things that has to be done. At least we got your uniform settled.

You know, you have made mummy so proud. Your independence, you looking out for your younger brother and your friends, your gentleness. Though you may be whiny at times, those times when you show understanding catches me by surprise and really shows me your big heartedness.

Most of all, I can’t bear to see you end your pre-school years and enter primary school. It’s a sign that you are growing up, and I just don’t want you to grow up. I love your child-like ways and I long for you to stay that way always.

Don’t want you to start real school so soon, and to always stay my little darling.




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  1. I can completely feel you when my first one started with his primary and it was such a mix feel. Now with my girl she just completed N1.

    1. Definitely! The feelings are so mixed. On one hand, I'm happy, on the other, I just want her to stay this way. Sigh, in 2 years' time, my younger one will be going to P1, and it'll start all over again.

  2. Time flies and it flies very fast when kids are growing up...Once the Primary school starts, sigh! I so agree with your post.

    1. Agree.. time flies by soo fast. I think it'll be faster in primary school. Arrrghhhh! Thanks for reading :)

  3. Most times, our kids do just fine. It's the mums who can't fathom how time flies and how unprepared we are for our baby to grow up :( EV sounds like a bright and confident girl. I'm sure she'll take on primary school like a champ.

    Michelle at The Chill Mom

    1. You're so right. It's really the mums who find it hard to let go. My hubs is just taking it all in stride. And like you said, I do believe that she'll be just fine in primary school. It's mummy here that needs some getting used to. :) Thanks for reading!

  4. Someone once said that the days are long (and the nights longer) but the years are short, I think that sums up our children's growing up years so apt. Before you know it, they are walking to school on their own ....THere is nothing we can do to stop that except perhaps to cherish each moment we have with them, make it memorable, special, significant....for our kids grow up fast and we, we grow old faster...and that's my personal mantra. Thanks for sharing

    1. Totally agree. treasuring every moment is the key, because they will not want us to be them and would rather be with their friends. Thanks for reading :)

  5. I can so relate to this post... coz my time will soon come! My daughter will start kindergarten soon 😂😂😂

    EV will do just fine... mummy have to let go 😊 slowly but surely

    Jamie Chaw,

    1. Yup.. I have to let go. I know. But till then, I'm going to squeeze my girl tight every day! Hahaha.. Sigh.. I still have another going P1 in 2 years' time, and the whole process will repeat again. Thanks for reading :)

  6. I'm certainly not looking forward to my boy's turn too..hopefully he can truly enjoy his childhood before then!

  7. I completely know that sense of longing! My eldest kiddo is going to K1 next year and I was wondering... how the hell did time pass so fast? That it was almost 5 years ago that he was that wee little thing who would cry for milk every 2 hours? Makes me want to tear when I think about those times...

  8. It must have taken you quite a bit of time to pen these thoughts down, so much depth, so much memories to dig into. It's sometimes scary to think how fast time passed yet we often waste it down the drain. I think it's a good practice to pen such thoughts down, your child would get to read, you would get to read next time, your next next generation ... ... worth keeping!

  9. She will always be your precious darling!! Such a huge milestone and all the best to her in her new exciting years in primary school!

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka


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