Have you ever felt helpless when parenting?
I have. Just last night. And the night before.
It's AA. No, it's not a relapse, thank God.
He's having the feared fever and cough with lots of phlegm. Last two nights, while sleeping, he coughed so hard he puked. Phlegm, milk and all. He cried, obviously, and was probably frightened by the experience for a while. DaddySay and the helper helped him clean up and DaddySay comforted him. And he went back to sleep after an hour or so.
So why helpless? Usually, when he falls sick, I'm his main caretaker at night. I would hold him, comfort him and make sure he gets his medication on time.
Last two nights when he puked, I could only watch helplessly from my bed because of my injured leg. I couldn't rush down to his bed to hug him, or hold him and tell him that everything's alright. Mummy is here. The most I could do is hold his hand as he called for me.
Yes, I hate the fact that my injury has prevented me from snuggling with my darling boy like before. Or holding him tight to reassure him when he's frightened or sick. It has prevented me from doing a lot of things.
I know that I will be able to in a few months' time. I must. I will.
Darling, give me a few months. I just hope he still remembers after these precious lost months.
In the meantime, I must find the strength to get well and walk again and do activities like before.. I must keep the faith. Don't give in.