Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Time travelling is not for me

I love my life, but there are times when I wish I could turn back time. If I could travel back in time, I would wish for the following.

Hold my babies when they were teeny tiny babies, once again. I miss their baby smells. I miss the special closeness I have with them when I was breastfeeding them.

Get married earlier. So that my maternal grandmother, who passed away suddenly in 2005 and left us in utter shock, who always wished to see her oldest grandchild get married and have children, can see and love EV and AA. She would be so tickled by them, and would shower lots of love on them, like she did on me.

Go hiking with my paternal Grandmummy (who passed away earlier this year), and let her whoop my ass. She whooped my younger sis' ass when they went hiking at some mountain in China. Sis was 11, Grandmummy was 75. 

Go Beijing with my maternal Grandmummy. Many years ago, when I was studying in uni, we had agreed to go. However, because the rest of the clan wanted to go too, and my holidays then just didn't coincide with the rest, I had to sacrifice. Grandmummy never forgot, but we never had a chance to make the trip, partly because something else always seemed more important. Sigh... I did however make a trip to Shanghai with her to attend her nephew's (or niece's, I can't remember) wedding (one I will never forget as I had two 20-course meals in one day) and to pay respects to her parents, my great grandparents. At least I made the trip, but I often wish...

Be a grandchild again. As you can see from my previous wishes, I miss my grandparents very much. So very much. A lump can't help but form in my throat as I remember each and every one of them. No matter when they passed on, 27 years ago, or just two months ago, I think of them every single day.

Have more me-time. Yes, when the going gets tough and too hectic, I do think back to my carefree single life, when I could read a book whenever I want, exercise as many times as I want, go travelling alone. As I've shared previously, I'm not guilty feeling this way. I strongly believe that it's sane to want some time away from parenting to do what one likes. It makes me treasure parenting and my little darlings even more.

Be more of a risk taker. In my younger days, that is. Maybe it’s because of the way I was brought up. Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest. I’ve had the understanding that going by the safe route is always better. It is, in certain ways, but sometimes leaves me thinking: Oh, perhaps that would be fun. Perhaps I should have done that. Now, as a parent, I still can I suppose, in only measured doses.

There, my life as it could have been. If I could turn back the clock. Reminds me of the song by Johnny Hates Jazz. My time, a generation ago. 

But you know, I wouldn’t want to travel back in time, even if someone gave me a million dollars. Without being what I am, without going through what I had gone through, I would not be on the life path that I am on now. My life may not be perfect, but it fits me just fine.

How about the power to travel to the future you say? Nah... I'll just take the bull by the horns and charge!! Come what may.


This post is part of the “If I were a Time Traveller” blog train hosted by MadPsychMum click on the button to time travel with 20 other mummies and find out where are our time travel hot spots!

Next up on the blog train is Jolin from The Js Arena. Jolin is a blessed mother to a loving hubby and two adorable boys. The Js Arena is where she captures and documents memories of her motherhood and parenting journey. She has just taken on her new role as a full-time mother. Join her tomorrow as she shares what she would do with her time travelling machine.


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1 comment:

  1. Aww thanks for sharing about your grandmothers! So nice that you have such a close relationship with them. It's too bad the trip didn't materialise! I suppose there were other ways you bonded :)


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