Sunday, March 22, 2015

I am a mum, no matter what

I'm a full-time working mother. There! I've said it. I've categorized myself and given myself a label, so others know what I do for a living. But really. Does the generally accepted definition really matter? Does it make a difference whether one is a full time working mother, or stay at home mother or part time working mother or work at home mother or whatever?

We are all mothers. Full time mothers. Mothers who made a choice to have a family. Mothers who decided to put up with a growing belly for 10 months, sometimes more than once, to have adorable irresistible kids. Because make no mistake, all kids are irresistible, especially in their parents' eyes.

So whether we are working or not, stay at home or not, or whatever label that society decides to give us, we are all mothers. Mothers who love their kids and make decisions based solely on what benefits our kids. 

And whatever we decide to do with our lives, our kids remain our top priority. We do not expect any returns, except perhaps for a loving hug from our kids. Except perhaps for that nightly peace when we cuddle our kids to sleep. Except perhaps when we witness with pride how our kids grow and learn everyday. Except perhaps when we've been entertaining hyperactive kids for a whole day or been working endlessly and just want to hide in the toilet for some peace. Or perhaps when the kids are sick and, exhausted from looking after them, all we want is a wink of sleep.

So it really irks me when people try to put a value on being a mum, stay at home or not; when people pass judgement whether a mum works or not. My mum was a housewife (in those days, there was no terms like 'stay-at-home mum), though she worked short stints here and there. She devoted herself to her three kids, and in my eyes, it makes no difference whether she worked or not. It was her devotion to us that mattered. How true were her words, that one will never truly know the demands and struggles of being a mum, until one is a mum. No one has the right to judge a mum.

It irks me even more when some people have the audacity to say that because mums have relief to hire domestic helpers, they should be grateful and hence all go back to the workforce. Seriously, helpers are just that, helpers. They do not, and cannot, replace the role of mothers.

I have a domestic helper, a wonderful lady who has been with us since before EV was born. Sure, her presence, and that of my father-in-law, has enabled me to work, a decision that was made jointly with DaddySay because of our financial situation. She helps look after the kids while I’m at work, cooking lunch and dinner for them.

However, that doesn’t mean that my role as a mum is any less. My first shift of the day may be my work, and my second shift is to look after the kids, but throughout it all, I’m a mum. 

And as a mum, I hold many many roles. I’m a/an:

Life coach, who teaches the kids skills that hopefully will last them a lifetime
Counsellor, who guides the kids to understand their own emotions
Cheerleader, who keeps saying ‘yes dear, you can do it!!!’
Motivator, who tells the kids that they can do it, if they believe in themselves
Dream instiller, who lets the kids know that anything is possible, if only one puts one’s heart to it
Rule enforcer who lets the kids know that rules have to be followed for a reason
Negotiator, who breaks up fights that usually catch one by surprise
Organiser, who packs up when things get messy
Nose wiper, who answers to calls of ‘running nose!!’
Truth detector, who uses x-ray eyes to see through their attempt to pull wool over your eyes
Entertainer, who comes up with cool play ideas, and show them that playing by themselves can be so much fun too
Education minister, who oversees the kids' learning and teaches them knowledge 
Scheduler, who plans what happens each day
Finance minister, handles the kids’ bank accounts, and also the family accounts
Photographer, takes pictures of the kids’ growing years
Doctor, who administers medicines to tackle the cold and feared fever, and keeping vigil overnight. Especially for AA, because of his epileptic condition.
Protector, who protects the kids from harm
Clown, who comes up with tricks to get the kids in giggles
Individual, who cries, laughs and gets angry, to show them I'm also human, that I'm not a super mum who can do anything, and that my heart breaks whenever I see them sick or crying in pain.
Their mum, who loves them terribly

Many roles I may have in motherhood, and I embrace it wholeheartedly. Simply because of these little two loves of my life. No matter what they do, how they behave, what their health condition, I'm their mum, no matter what.

Embracing motherhood

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This post is part of the Embracing Motherhood blog train hosted by Dominique of Dominique's Desk. Do hop on to find out how other mums are embracing motherhood.


Next up on the blog train is Angeline. She blogs at Simply Mommie and has been a stay-home mom for almost 7 years now. She's mom to two lovely children who have given her new insights to life as she now finds herself on a journey of re-discovery of the world through their little eyes.





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2 comments:

  1. Mums are certainly multi-taskers and hold multiple roles which they execute dutifully each day. Great to have you on this blog train :)

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