Just the other day EV unintentionally taught me a valuable lesson.
At almost 4 years old, EV can be said to be toilet trained. She knows when she needs to go to the toilet, and knows how to tell us. The only issue is, sometimes, she tells us too late, especially when we are out, and the toilet is either some distance away or we need to wait for our turn. She still does not understand that unlike at home, where the toilet is just a few steps away, it is necessary to tell us in advance that she needs to do her business, either big or small.
Many times, when we are already in the cubicle and two seconds away from the toilet bowl, little EV could wait no longer and pees in her pants, and on to the floor. Many times, I have lost my temper, and scolded her for not holding her pee, for not waiting a little longer, for making me have to clean the floor and change her clothes. Many times, I did not realise the effect my temper had on her.
Just the other day, EV and I were having her favourite sushi & chawamushi lunch. We were waiting to pay for our meal and she suddenly said she need to pass motion. There were still several people in front of us waiting to pay, so I had not choice but to ask EV to wait and hold it. My brave little girl told that she would wait. She didn't dare tell me just how hard it was for her to do so. After I finally paid, we ran to the toilet. As we entered the cubicle, I asked EV if she had passed motion in her pants.
EV looked up at me with worried eyes, and nodded yes. I told her it was ok, and what she said next broke my heart.
'Mummy, you are not going to scold me?'
I realized the effect my previous 'lectures' had on her. She was really worried, maybe a little scared even, that I would scold her for dirtying her underwear, for making me clean her up, for giving me this additional inconvenience.
I hugged her and said sorry. Sorry for scolding her previously for something that she did unintentionally. Sorry for not understanding her. Sorry for not telling her it's ok.
Thank you dear, for making me realise how much I have hurt you. Thank you for reminding me that you are still growing and learning, learning how not to pee or poo in your pants, something that comes so naturally to me that I've forgotten when I was your age, I probably did what you did. Mummy is truly sorry.
And you know what darling? It's ok to pee and poo in your pants.
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| Photo: Horia Varian |
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Hugs. We all have moments like that and I know exactly what you mean because I just went through the fearful doe-eyed moment last week. Sigh. It is hard not to lose sight of the fact that they are all but 4 and 5. The society is punishing and is often moving so fast and far ahead that we lose vision of the time, space and patience these little ones need to grow. Thank you for sharing, makes me think a bit about the kiddo and me too. Jia you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this reminder to give grace and allow our kids to learn at their own pace. Jiayou, you both!
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