Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Seconds after impact

It's been over a month since the accident. I still think about it. It's hard not to, as I walk with my crutches and do the physiotherapy exercises every day to get my right leg back to normal.

I'm thankful for being alive, for being able to hug my family, DaddySay, my kids, and everyone close to me. 

I can still remember that night clearly. Seconds after impact, immediately after I discovered I was on the floor, when I was just standing the split second before, everything was very surreal, as though a dream. I wished it was a dream. I looked down at my thigh and saw this really big lump. I tried to move my right leg, but I couldn't. My first reaction was 'uh oh... That's a funny lump', and then 'oh d***!'. 

My first thoughts were of DaddySay, EV and AA. I wanted to hold them so much. I wanted DaddySay to tell me, it's all a dream. Either that, I wanted him to tell me, that big lump was just a little bruise, nothing too serious, that I'll be home soon to hold and hug them all. 

But somehow, I knew it was not possible. My thigh moved funnily. I needed to stay composed because of them. Deep breaths. People around me were asking me if I was ok, I could only reply softly because I had to focus on breathing in and out, to stay calm so that I don't faint or anything like that, or to aggravate my injury any further. No, I needed to remain on the floor, in that funny position, focus on breathing, focus my thoughts on my family, and wait for the ambulance to come. Oh, how I wished the ambulance would hurry up. After the shock, the pain was increasing, and it was harder to keep focused. Breathe in, breathe out, I had to keep calm. 

I managed to call DaddySay, and I remember his first words: 'Are you ok?' I could hear the panic in his voice, his love, his care. Later, when I finally saw him as I lay on the hospital bed, my heart was feeling so joyful, so thankful, I cried. I finally broke down. I could finally feel him, hold him. I held on to his hand tightly.

I didn't see EV and AA until a week later, because we didn't want to alarm them. I was staying at my mum's place and they came over to bring me home. The moment I set eyes on them, tears just poured. I had missed them so very much. For the first time since the accident, I could hold them, hug them, kiss them. It was truly a blessed moment.

When the four of us finally sat together for the first time in one week, it was extremely emotional for me. It was such a freaky accident, yet I am thankful. Thankful to be alive, to be able to hug and hold my most loved ones, my most precious babies.

The journey to recovery is a long one. I'm glad to have my family walking beside me, as I toddle slowly on my crutches.

Before impact


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