Why me?

In a few minutes' time, I will be seeing my two kids, the first time in many days. I'm really excited, the past few days have been terrible, being away from them, not being able to tell them the truth why mummy is not at home.

No, I wasn't away for work.

No, I wasn't enjoying myself in some exotic locales.

I was in Singapore... In a hospital.

On that fateful day, after work, I was waiting for a bus to go home, at my usual bus stop. To cut a long story short, I was hit by a flying run away wheel (rim + tire) from a container truck. Yes, a big huge enormous wheel from a big huge enormous container truck. I was knocked over, and suffered a broken right thigh bone. I had to go through an operation to put a metal inside, and I now have to go through months of painful physiotherapy to learn how to walk again.

The start of physiotherapy: I can only bend my leg with the help of a machine.

Why didn't we tell the kids? So they don't clamour wanting to visit me in the hospital, because hospitals are no places for young kids, in my opinion. That's why we've kept it from them.

Now they are coming to see me, I'm putting a fortress around my leg, so that we can explain to them what happened to me, show them my leg, and explain why they have to be careful around me. Kids being kids, they may forget, and unwittingly hurt me, and that's something we want to prevent as much as possible.

That aside, I'm upset, really upset, and feel really wronged. I was just going home, why did something like this happen to me? It's utterly unfair. I’m grateful to be alive, but because of this, I can't carry my kids, I can't sit on the floor and play games with them, I can't bring them out during the holidays because I'm home bound. I have to stay in bed more often as I get tired easily, and this means I can only spend limited time playing, painting, crafting, reading with them. This single incident has taken away my precious time with my kids, precious moments I was looking forward to during the holidays. All my plans are ruined, through no fault of my own. Why?

I can't swim with them, or run or skip or dance with them. I can't do all these until at least six months later, says the doctor, and who knows what further repercussions this might bring? Through no fault of my own, I'm rendered immobile. Why?

I'm crying, yes, every time I think about this. I can't help it, tears fall uncontrollably. Mum says I'm strong, but I'm not, I'm really not. Tears are falling as I type this. Why did this happen to me? Why?

And I'm afraid. Not only afraid of any further repercussions, but of big vehicles and big wheels, and of that fateful bus stop. I don't ever want to ever go there again. Or any other bus stop at this point of time.

Note: this was written on 30 October.

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