Letter to EV: Longing

Dear darling,

"There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall and the bells in the steeple too.
And up in the nursery an absurd little bird is popping out to say 'cuckoo'."

You are familiar with these lyrics. They are from the song So Long Farewell, from one of our favourite musicals, Sound of Music. 

No no, this absolutely has nothing to do with goodbye.

Well, not really.

As you are saying goodbye to your kindergarten years in a few days’ time, and saying hello to primary school education in slightly over a month’s time, mummy is facing a wave of mixed emotions.

Some of these emotions, I shared about here, in another letter to you.

As the last days of your kindergarten years draw near, as you’ve confidently, and wonderfully danced your heart out during your graduation concert, as you head to your primary school orientation, one feeling reigns dominant.

The feeling of longing.

Longing for my darling to continue enjoying your kindergarten years. Longing for my darling not to start real education or face the stress or pressure that might most likely come with it. Longing for you to always stay happy and bright. Longing for you to never grow up. Longing for time to stand still so that you always stay my little darling. 

I think back to the first days you were born, how you charmed everyone with your bright smile. I loved the way you got into a ‘milk coma’ after drinking milk. I loved hearing your laugh, and watching you suddenly wake up from your sleep the moment you heard the Taiwanese drama serial theme song ‘我问天’. You were really so adorable.

I think back to our first family trip to Hong Kong, how we dined (but not wined) at The Peak Cafe. It was such an overwhelming experience for me. Years ago, when I was younger and used to fly back to Hong Kong to visit your great-grandparents, your great-grandparents used to drive all the way up the windy road to The Peak (then, the Peak was really just a park, with no shopping centre) and we would all have afternoon tea there. Then, The Peak was a peaceful, quiet getaway that the family enjoyed. 

I remember you diligently colouring some cardboard and putting them on your head, as a hat. I remember you painting little egg cartons and making grapes. 

I remember you dancing in front of a mirror in your aunty’s room. You were so cute as you danced, oblivious that your aunt was taking a video of you. Yup, my darling, there’s proof of your cuteness. :)

I remember your first day at your kindergarten. You were so brave and didn’t shed a single tear. Perhaps it’s because you had spent one year in a playgroup before, hence you didn’t feel afraid in a school environment. But you were so independent, and even got on the school bus yourself. Well, mummy sounds so calm recounting this, but did you know that I was a nervous wreck then? I was so worried about you, wondering whether you’d cope. Whether you’ll be able to take the school bus by yourself. Did you know that while you were getting up the bus, mummy and daddy were hiding behind the bushes, and then we rushed home so that we can be there to receive you when your bus reaches? 

Yup, mummy may look calm on the surface, but honestly, I’m shaking inside. I’m a worried wreck, and the fact that your primary school orientation is just around the corner isn’t helping. On that day, you’ll be introduced to your form teachers and perhaps get a few hours’ experience of what primary school life might be like. But I suppose it will be a far cry from what it might really be like come January. Till then, there’s so much to be done: purchasing books and a proper school bag that won’t weigh you down; purchasing necessary stationary; labelling and wrapping your books; purchasing school shoes and so on and so on. Yup, I’m getting worried just thinking about the list of things that has to be done. At least we got your uniform settled.

You know, you have made mummy so proud. Your independence, you looking out for your younger brother and your friends, your gentleness. Though you may be whiny at times, those times when you show understanding catches me by surprise and really shows me your big heartedness.

Most of all, I can’t bear to see you end your pre-school years and enter primary school. It’s a sign that you are growing up, and I just don’t want you to grow up. I love your child-like ways and I long for you to stay that way always.

Don’t want you to start real school so soon, and to always stay my little darling.

Love,

Mummy

**********

Thank you for reading. If you like this post, please do connect with me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, so I can share our fun adventures, thoughts and exploits with you.